naked.

at ease with myself beneath the midnight sky
i tried to grab your eyes as i reached for the sky
lost and confused in this wilderness called love
are you the answer to the questions i held up inside?

when everything seems right
all i have are fears in my heart
if i could just hold on to anthing just to keep you in my arms
i would forever be tangled in dreamland

just keep on staring at the moonlit sky
and wonder how you came into my life
awake in a dream that seems so real
i closed my eyes and i saw your face flashing beneath my skull
is it faith teaching me to strive?
lessons on my past to make us more tough?
i think i found the answer
oh well i hope i did

now letS raise our head up high
close our eyes and search for the light
grip that beads for faithS sake
and let our hearts rest in peace
it’ll save us from drowning, he said
it’ll be our strength when we fail ourselves

now let me speak my heart out
don’t you worry about those scars
don’t worry when those pictures fade
‘coz when you lie down with those blankets
and you turn your head
ill be at your side staring at your eyelashes

i woke up with a horrible feeling. it seems that my intestines are going mad and they want to move out of my system. i felt that my head is shrinking and my lungs are caving in. i lift up my blanket and was surprised by my unholy strength despite the weakness that i felt -i am alive. it’s been three dang days since i burned my skin with anger as i left my skin on the wall that kissed my knuckles. i can’t feel my bones for a minute but it was worth it. now back to reality. i realized that i forgot to eat breakfast, lunch, (and yes! the family is complete),dinner. nobody woke me up coz they said i was peacefully asleep. yeah right! with all the nightmares that i had a coupla days ago they did a good decision not to spill water in my head. my feet led me to the kitchen where my mom left me a good variety of dishes- sinugbang isda, chicken, and clams with butter. my hand shaked while i grabbed the chicken. yup, im so hungry that i almost choked coz i chewed off the chicken meat and almost swallowed the bones whole. i was happy. it created a good feeling from within me- being choked and all. i ate with what’s left of the strength that i had. i never even managed to grab a spoon and fork. it’s been a while since i took care of myself and not worry about anybody else. to wake up without having to think what’s best for someone who needs my time (or so i thought). im so excited to go back to Dumaguete and get lost with time. to attend class is my main priority and after that i dun know what to do and thats the beauty of it! it’s so exciting to know what’ll happen before and after my classes. It’s more exciting to know that i have nothing to do on weekends. no plans, no worries. I’m going to meet a whole bunch of new people and it means new good memories that’ll push me to do better with my life. oo0o0o0w it feels good to know the truth.

i’m back with my old self =) come and let’s share some memories!!!!

send me that device
while you drink that chalice
from your sweet lips
whisper to me your fears
now read my mind
as you try to figure out why i feel so
alive

with your words i sleep in silence…

hey, cmon hold my scar
lets sing our way out of boredom
and share each others secret to life

come and pop that guitar
hold that bottle and pass on that light
this will be the end of a stranger
this will be the start of a new smile

friends come and go
a few geniune people stays true
and i hope you’re one of them who’ll stay
with or without contact
you know im always there
when you need me
just look at the stars
when your lonely
think of this night

(under the moonlight)
we sing our misery and disgust to life
and make them into something positive
something that’ll help us go through life
(under the moonlight)
we try to make sense of this life
sing our hearts out
and drink till our hearts get numb
(under the moonlight)

come and pop that guitar
hold that bottle and pass on that light
this will be the end of a stranger

this will be the start of a new friendship…

my favorite kokamouse painter nicole,

lets ride a bus
and go to random places
talk to strangers
and ask them silly questions
lie at them, lie to ourselves
that the world aint round and there’s more refuge

but before everything
i wish to watch the sunset with your arms around my neck
and while i hold your hands listen to me speak
"lets do this over and over till the worm feast on our corpses" =)

miss you xoXOxo0Oxxo0o0,

xandurrr

nt do you remember me smile when you told me you won’t light more than four? did you saw me staring at you behind the pillow, stalking your shadows as you try not to scare yourself? those are the everyday moments that makes me blank at times, when people think that im smiling for no reason at all those are the times when i want to say alot of things yet i can’t find the right words to tell you i want everything to be perfect but i realized that being with you in the first place is perfect and with that all i have to do is to do my best in every aspect of my life you prepare me for the worst to come i want to say that you’re my light but it’s to freakin cliche- this is the part where i wish that i can invent a word for you when i’m staring at you and you’d wonder what the hell am i thinking you know how i stare back and pretend that i’m just lost and sleepy it’s not entirely true i want to say things, express my feelings, but all i can do is to wish that i can communicate with you without saying word im overwhelmed by your efforts you make me lost- like an enchanting creature leading a mortal into the unexplored world filled with burning candles and precious stones i know i will remember you for the rest of my life breathing with you is the best gift the eternal light passed upon my wastedheart i.miss.you.

of lost dreams and a new beginning
i wish for you to stay and prove something
just try and do what you can
every effort is in the palm of my hand
i can see every little thing that you do
and i hope you know im counting them
one by one

happy new year!!
oh god. this year! um. i want to
remember and forget alot of things.
there were times when i just want to
disappear from ths world. there were
times when i just want to freeze and
stop time coz i want the memories to
last. like any other year i had good
memories and bad ones. there were people
who i met and they made a big impact in
my life- some stayed and some chose to
wave their hands goodbye. everyone of
them taught me things. mostly on how to
value time and friendship. i just want
to say thankYOU to everybody- for the
booze, the smile, the wasted food, the
almost endless nights playing video
games, the night outs and every tear and
laughter that goes with every gain and
loss! - I THANK YOU ALL- for the
sweetest memories and the painful
goodbyes. i big hug for everybody. i
just want all of you to know that you
are treasured no matter what! no matter
how much you despise me or like me or
whatever. enough of this crap. im hoping
to spend another year with memories just
like the ones we had! let’s learn from
our mistakes and value each others
heartbeat. letS end this year with a
bang! bang! bang! and open new chapters in our lives (with a bangbangbang pod)..scary huh?
one step at a time baby! hehehe

live life. learn. improve. embrace.

I hate this troubled town

But when I look at your eyes

I just cant leave

Just stare at me

And you’ll know that im willing to fight anything

Just stare

Coz in your eyes I know the meaning of sanity

Just look at me

And you’ll know how willing I am to give up..anything

Anything that blocks my will to face the world that im in

So lets dry those tears together

And drown ourselves with each others embrace

For pain is a lot bearable when you bother to look at me

Lets gaze at each other

and patch each others weaknesses

for the world of tomorrow
holds fear

and it’s you who makes me want to face it

Understand….

so much has been done

im running away

not because I can

but because I must bleed, blisters in my heart

Got to rest from the ride

So much has been done…

Where night breathes-

The stillness of our shared emotions

I looked into your eyes

And you whispered at my heart

how could you tell?? - im in love.

You comfort me like a blanket

Under the moonlit sky

24 and im so in love tonight

Caught in your arms

Trying to convince not to fall this time

Where night breathes-

The stillness of our shared emotions

I looked into your eyes

And you whispered at my heart

how could you tell??? - im in love.

I want to say I can go on

Coz when I look at what you wrote in my arms

Id like to kiss my fears goodbye

I couldn’t understand my feelings tonight

But I hope you know

That this is hurting me to

Thorns in my heart as I watch the reflections of your smile

i have to leave this place for tonight….