naked.

As I scream in your eyes,

I breathe desire.

Feed me with ur lies,

cut this wrist;

make me smile.

01:01

i wonder if youre still out there.

im cautious and tired of the way life play its piece on me and with that i asked myself "whos real in my world?", you left a mark in me, scars embedded with smiles and tears, and as much as i want to discard every spec of it; I just cant help but to hold on to them coz it makes me FEEL, makes me REAL.

I dont want to hug our friendship goodbye, but if you wish to turn your back on it ill respect that, ill just place ‘you’ in a bottle and shake it whenever i have the urge to connect with my misery. i miss our friendship-the way were so used to each other that we seldom get to the same point, but we still laugh at the same things as if were on same frequency. i miss the weight of your head on my arms, as i endure the pain while watching you sleep through the night telling myself how lucky i am i ‘have’ you. i just miss the way you miss me and the way i miss you. simple things that are locked in my head.

i just wish that we can continue our friendship. hope ur A OK!

chi ku- eat bitter.

dunno what to do;

dunno where to go.

tragedy loves me. oh boi! let me hug you. 

lick his tongue gurl and show him the importance of life, let him feel his best even for a little while. give him pointless reasons to live and blame him for everything when it crumbles. ohohohoh what a crooked way to love and its eyes are on him, its on its way to his ears, licking it till his knees drop, inducing sleep while planting a chip of confusion on his brain.

shackles of confusion scattered on his floor, pieces of himself along with her memories. ohhhhhhh gee ohhh dee can he just stare at them and sweep them off with bullets? youre the only one who can save him from himself, i guess. just wondering- where will he go when all of this ends? where will he stop to take a rest? when will this cycle end? just wondering.

two colors underneath the rain,the silhouette of romance i cant bare to watch -like melodrama characters that knows what theyre doing and where theyre going. I envy them and I hope theyll stay that way, in love at the moment, maybe ruined for sometime, but somewhere in the script love will hold them together. I used to be like that, I believed in one love one lifetime, I was tricked by what I want to see, wasnt aware of reality and how it works. Now, as I observe this two lovebirds I cant help but feel sorry for them, theyre going to go through hell and I hope each of them will have the courage and strength to move on when they realize that theres alot of beautiful people that surrounds them and they have the freedom to be with anybody-the freedom to choose. I also hope that they can see beauty, not as defined by society (advertising), but the kind of beauty that sees through the ugly, beauty that pierces through physical attributes. I hope and I dream for them to be wise, I wish for them moments like what I am seeing right now, something thatll hold them in times of doubts. A wish from a wastedHeart to them who are about to be wasted (i hope not).

for now ill wait for someone wholl stand with me through the rain, someone wholl hold my hands and wipe the freakin mud off my face. ill wait for a dream thatll wake me up when im shaking in fear and doubts. ill wait for YOU, whoever you are. peace out.

i told myself that im ready to bleed again for you, do you still remember those lines? i meant it. im not mad at your curiousity, im just sad that you chose temptation over me. you know what happened to me and you know that i was trembling with hate and was traumatized because of what had happened to me; you know my story, you know how i hate poeple who plays with other peoples feelings…you know when i cry with joy and when i cry with hate.

you know who i am  and yet you wasted everything that we worked for, thought it was going somewhere, thought that the distance was not a hindrance. im just disappointed by the way you threw away everything taht we worked for, so fast so easy.

im not ok but i will be…soon.  take care.

a neat red paper -covering a box of what was once a container of a familiar junkfood, snacks that we waste our time with indulging, killing time as we familiar ourselves with each others strength and weaknesses. the stories that were told- the ones that made us scream with laughter, disgust and fear… the lines that made us spill our drinks as we compared the colors of our shoelaces.

the days spent with you. those endless nights, or so i wished it was. it was neat, as neat as the wrapped up gift that reminds me of the time when i (still) believe in flying reindeers and that big old bearded guy with a sack filled with toys.

i am about to tear this neat creation of yours, the times spent to choose the right colors and the right texture; it wont go to waste. i will treasure every spec of effort, every time spent and every detail you want me to appreciate i will save- from my eyes to my memory.

i am unwrapping those memories.. unstored and stored.  im giving myself time,time to swallow my saliva, time to breath and hold on to this emotions that you make me feel. i will put my emotions from where it should be, ill merge it with the things that youre thinking whilst you put your own emotions on your neatly wrapped invention. i will save everything  that you invested on this; and from there i will wrap it again (my own way) and open it again whenever i feel the urge to hold your hands (which is always hehe).

i am grateful. when i see you with your letters, those eyes locking up on me. the time when i chose you and you chose me back, i will wrap myself with it.

~wrap me with your embrace. wrap this spoiled heart and save it from decay. wrap me till i love myself again.