naked.

sometimes.

sometimes!!!! especially if the moon shines with its halo on, i get this weird feeling. i ask myself questions! too many questions that id end up feeling lonely and drained. pointless, endless questions. this is my way of reflecting i guess, asking myself- why im such a mess? asking GOD -why do my friends and family go through situations that they dont deserve to go through? talking to the shadows, asking them- when will i find my peace of mind? those romantic bulshits that made its way to my heart. thinking of the past, weighing them if it made me into a better person or worse. crushing the experiences that are meant to be crushed, remembering those that taught me something; dwelling on misery, regrets, and the loss of the people that i care the most. again, asking why do they havta go? why when i needed them the most they disappear never to come back in my horrid life??? going in circles. talking to the world, sometimes blaming it for the mess that i created, that they made me go through. blaming heaven and hell coz they taught us that it exist. why? why such anger? why such confusion? i am my own destruction. why oh why do i think this way? i hate the feeling but unfortunately it knows its way to my heart up to every organs in my body, out into ever holes- from my eyes to my anus. i hate it. i hate the way i think today…..

days like this when i needed someone to hold my hand and tell me that life is worth the fight. for now, ill go home and hug my pillow and imagine hell like its heaven. for now,i will close my eyes and end my misery (today), hopefully itll be permanent. goodnight world.

in times when i want to be static. a lousy choice of living, breathing ashes, eating dust, as i try not to trap myself on the cobwebs of desire. times when i just cant escape the grip of loneliness. monsters lurking behind the shadows of my shadow, waiting for the right moment to strike, waiting for its prey to lose his mind. im starting to enjoy the walls attention, the creeping silence, and the gloomy feeling that tries to pierce my eyes, ears, and soul. here i am again, trying to motivate myself to move and do something productive, screaming for the gods to save me; shouting to myself- "get up donkey! move and go towards the light".

-fin-

ow!! nobodys there to see me sink. yeah man, i love the feeling. i didnt expect that going down with the shrimps is all that i ever wanted in this salted world. oh did i told you how beautiful it is to see a world where no one is familiar? in a world where i can move without even breathing right. i dont want to scream no more…here in this place im happy being alone, i can create my own babieS without even bothering to fuck. here in this place i dont have to invite anybody to sit beside me and watch the bubbles pop. here in this comfy world where i can be myself, just me and my shrimp friends. please dont wake me up, i need this.