naked.

"always listen to your gut feeling",
someone said that to him, sometime
when he just can’t decide what to do
or how to react. and he went to the
whole trouble of listening to that
so called gut feeling and all he got
was more questions, more confusion.
and now he wants to see things
clear, but as the person that he is,
he’s just lost all the time.
fortunately , someone gave him a
clearer perspective on things.
shhhhhhh. "don’t ever mention this",
he said. "just face ur sht", she
said. hmmmmm. "but then again it’s
one big confused sht that im in",
he replied. <silence> she took her
time and gave him the best advice he
heard in a long time. she reminded
him to confront reality. um. he was
stunned. never did he thought
someone like her would make him
think that way. she’s a stranger but
its as if she knows him in such a
long time. he went blank for a
while. just staring at the world.
just to escape the fact that she
presented upon him what he dont want
to see. he’s afraid. he
is. and when he went back to the
world that he’s in he looked at her
and whispered in his head, "strange
things do happen so fast…i cant
keep up with everthing…"; and
then he smiled. a big thankYOU to
you and to this world and for
everybody else. he is lost, but as
always, directions come when he
least expect it. then and there he
closed his eyes and shut himself up
from the world. hush. tomorrow it’s
going to be alright =)

llall that i am and all that you see….im stuck in a hole at times. Thinking. reflecting. drowning myself with intoxication. self poisoning needs no motivation, and i love to let the biles of the past and the present into my system. green will never be the same. it will speak a thousand things of how i despise the world. evolution and the cycle of everything i just cant bare to look at. of memories that digs its way to my hatred to this earth that im in. of all the things that lifted me up and dragged me down . up unto the lies that i silently held from within. i just dont know how to end things. not even this freakin blog…goodbye for now.

those tears has a reason, so let them drop. 

do you remember telling me that things do happen for a reason? that day when we talked about life and the way it teaches us how to be strong,how to adapt, how to accept reality. that day when we concluded that someone out there is watching us, helping us how to understand things. that day when you told me how things conspire to teach us and the people around us how to value every little thing. that day when i listened to you hoping that you’d find peace. that day when i realized that my problems aint a problem at all compared to what you’re going through.

and now…reality strikes again.

im silenced by the news. i’m stuck in the puddle, thinking of ways on how to make you feel better, and i’m aware that as of the moment theres nothing that i can do to ease the pain. i’m stuck with my soaked up socks feeling helpless as i watch you trying to accept a second’s news that will affect a million more seconds of your life.

i just want you to know that im at your back…ALWAYS will be.  And to remember the things that you told me- that things do happen for a reason and that God has a reason why things like this is happening. GOD ALWAYS HAS A PLAN.

************************************

it’s ok if you’re not strong enough to handle things

you have a soul and its fighting its way through life

that soul that treasured the best soul

never to be replaced by anyone

just remember his dreams for you

and let that be your shield

in times of darkness and doubts

let his words reach your heart

in times when those words make you miss him even more

think that hes somewhere out there waiting for your hand

your hero is somewhere where he can watch you more

in every corner of your dreams he’s waiting

for you to hold on to yourself and achieve the life that you deserve

in every smiles that you make, and everytime your heart breaks

(i know) he’s  there with you, gripping your veins

in weakness find strength

and let it hold you till time ends

remember daddyS little gurl

and how she nodded when he told her to live.

so i sing this lines
just to remind myself how it is to be alive
so i sing this lies
for you to know how i value life

so i asked myself
need i break the mirror?
no more reflections of your smiles
no more reflctions of your smile

so i picked up the comb
just for me to feel ok (without you)
what? so?
i screamed at the top of my voice
when i just can’t deny
the love that you brought in my heart

when will i give in?
for me to feel sanity
i just can’t give in
i need eternity

but what would i do?
when all i could think of is you
and what would i be?
when all i do is for you
where’s my identity?

need i feel more?
please don’t let me fall
you’re all that i know
please not again
this is where it should end
this is where i should end

please don’t let me fall……

how coul i not scream when shes worth the heartache?

getting into boredom is the easiest thing to do. so here i am again. bored! and when im bored i get busy. i get busy thinking of things- random questions inside my head. random answers that doesnt make sense- for now im thinking why is it so hard to find someone who knows how to commit? why cant people see my efforts? little efforts to improve myself. does it have to be a bigbigbig effort!!!? and do i have to tell them what i did for them to see it? and why are there so many people asking for love when they can just give it instead? forgive me for my ignorance. im a lost soul asking questions all the time and i dont even care if the world will give me answers. all i know is that i should not let this drag me down…havta move and get this cobwebs off my head.

have you ever been hit by cupid’s poison? its totally deceiving.at first, u get to have a second’s ability to fly. then comes the realization that who you chose is not as perfect as you think he/she is; and this is the part where most people choke and stumble.some would just let the poison get through their system, causing total death. some would find cure by drinking another poison. some would go as far as sharing the poison to another innocent host. then eventually the posion becomes a virus, and not one is spared.

YOU. ME. AND EVERYBODY ELSE.

plagued by the same thing that gives us strength at times. Majority of us would complain rather than facing the problem and helping ourselves and our partners by embracing death itself. whoever said that life is easy is totally infected with the poison down to the bones causing hallucination and  extreme hopelesness. lets look around us, death is manifested at every eyes and some cant accept that they’ve been infected. we are dying monkeys that walks through our extinction if we don’t acknowledge the poison. we will forever search for our existence ife we don’t face our illness. it’s here, this is our chance. embrace death.acknowledge the poison and let it flow with passion and commitment; and let’s hold our breath and hope for the best. it’s not a safe death but it’s all worth it..

live. bleed. learn.

love is like a rope slowly making its way to my neck.

give me time to breathe
to spill the waste and swallow them back
every word is a sword thrust in my gut
why do you get so insensitive?

im cleaning myself
dust and dead cells off of my skin
im doing fine, just fine
till i hear your words that rubs me off of my routines
why do you get so insensitive?

usual day
to rot is a business im in
times a waste so lets drink more beer
slippers falling off the chair
eyes rolled, reality’s bent
injecting smiles from everybody’s face
you puked on my face, you smiled at my weaknesses
why so insensitive?

your fist on my chest
im holding my breath
you smiled at the worlds waste
you. me.
top of the line basketcase
your so insensitive….and i like you that way.

give me more time to breathe.

L-I-F-E. what a spin! i constantly seek the beauty of life and i guess i have a good grasp of how life should be lived. its all about FRIENDSHIP. living life with the smiles of friends is the best way to live life. Those people who stick with us when we’re at worst with ourselves. those who are there not just for fun but for every heartaches and frustrations. those people who believe that we can achieve what we want to achieve as long as we put our hearts into it. those people who are not afraid to show their worst sideS ,and find ways to change their bad sides for friendshipS sake- im lucky im surrounded by them friends who are true to themsleves. life is all about friendship. as what i always imply- life is alot bearable with friends who knows us well enough that they dont feed us with lies. im so fuckin grateful and ill always find ways to improve myself for each and everyone of them. paksit. bahala drama. i love each and everyone of you oh so much…. please stay =) THANKYOU for everything.

to love the person you love or the person who loves you…

hmMMmmm. argumentative essay bulcrap! what side  am i in??? my friends asked me. I answered in a flash, of course ill go with the person that i love and   who loves me in return heheh you got to have the best of both worlds. they told me  to choose  one, just one. ok. so i said ill definitely go to the person who loves me in return………and the person thatll make my heart beat HAHAHAHA  btaw. if given one choice,only one. i think id get stuck choosing and ill end up with a doggie, not a bad choice.

after drinking loads of beer, and listening to the two sides I silently asked myself a series of questions - first, what if theres only one choice? second, ‘who chooses who?’ third, ‘where the fuck did we really came from and why do we have to choose?!!! as if we have a choice. lastly, whoS going to puke tonight?! hehe messy questions from a messed up brain, thanx to malt. anyhu, back to the argument. I really dont want to take sides, its too complicated. why settle for less when we can always choose the best. that when we love ourselves and we are mature enough  to love a person in return, we have every right to choose the best - and thats loving the person that our hearts beat for and being loved in return. yeah. i know, easy for me to say. but thats what i believe and ill hold on to that. its really fun listening to peoples reasonS why they choose what and how they relate it to their experiences. it was a battle fought by two loosing sides hahaha i was there, stuck in the middle. and its my papers wholl burn if i dont finish it by dawn today. im stuck, but im happy. i can relate it with my situation now. stuck being single but  im sosososo happy i get to meet these people who knows me more than i know myself. people who share their stories with me, and i can share my own stories with. voices inside my head tells me "with friends like these drunk bastards and psychotic ladies here, who needs a girlfriend!!!!". its really a comfort for me to meet them. so yeah.before i go places- why dont you choose your own side and tell me why its worth the saliva????? which side are you really on if given a choice, one choice.